The Leahy Lounge

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Polls Fear Revealing Existence of Shadow Party Candidacy

Though pollsters have thus far been too frightened to even acknowledge the existence of the Halliburton/Cheney Shadow Party ticket, unnamed sources close to the cabal, the existence of which is thus far completely unconfirmed, have revealed that should such a ticket exist, it might or might not be currently making a very strong showing among the Illuminati, who themselves may or may not exist.
# :: posted by Champion Sound, 10:09 AM

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Army Corps of Engineers Begins Repair of Nation's Glass Ceiling

Though Hillary Clinton's campaign for the nation's highest office did not deal the city of Washington, DC a direct hit during the primary season of 2008, her storm surge nearly precipitated catastrophic failure of the nation's glass ceiling. The ceiling sustained damage in approximately 18 million places. Responsibility for the nation's fem protection design and engineering belongs by federal mandate to the US Army Corps of Engineers, which today began shoring up the ceiling and exploring ways to strengthen it against future damage. Corps spokesman Nathan Fretbottom assured a shaken nation that the ceiling is sound, and that the Corps is exploring materials that will withstand future damage better than the current glass structure.
# :: posted by Champion Sound, 12:10 PM

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Democrats Fear Loss of White Power Vote

With Saturday's tardy concession from great white hope Hillary Clinton, the Democrats are faced with the daunting task of retaining the favor of strong white power voting blocks in the South and the Midwest. Inside sources reveal that plans are in the works to recruit a strong white number two for the ticket. Possible choices include David Duke and Eric Rudolph. "Both test well with the vitally important white trash demographic that makes up much of the South and Midwest," explained DNC Chairman Howard Dean, "and the coloreds are so happy to have Obama on the ticket that they won't shy away from a strong number two".
# :: posted by Champion Sound, 11:56 AM

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Popular Radio Duo Pounder and Dangle Murdered on Air

Morning radio shock jocks William Pound and Joseph Dangle, better known to their fans as "Pounder & Dangle", were found murdered in their radio booth following their morning radio show on Wednesday. While motive remains unclear, what is clear is that what the audience perceived to be a "bit" on Wednesday's show was, in fact, the two hosts being brutally murdered while their audience laughed along. Super fan Jill "Sistard" Richardson said that she assumed that the forty minutes of Pound and Dangle pleading for their lives, followed by repeated cries of "Oh God, you're killing us! Why? Why are you brutally murdering us? Why won't anyone help? Someone please call the police!" was "some sort of gag". "I usually find them really funny, what with all the fart jokes and funny voices, but I thought that this bit was dragging on for too long and I changed the station" admits a sheepish Richardson.
# :: posted by Champion Sound, 1:20 PM

Friday, May 16, 2008

Hey Folks, It's National Ride Your Bike to God Day!

Swarthington just misses God and
plummets to his death.

Better luck next year!
# :: posted by Champion Sound, 4:24 PM

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Boy Takes Off Jersey

David Witthoft, the youngster who had been wearing the same Brett Favre jersey every day for more than four years, has finally taken it off.

Chris Hansen of NBC's 'To Catch A Predator' presided over the event and several middle aged men carrying six-packs of beer were arrested.
# :: posted by Swarthington, 3:37 PM

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Leahy's True Identity Revealed

The identity of Coach Leahy, famed proprietor of the 'The Leahy Lounge' blog, has finally been revealed: Josef Fritzl, 73, of Amstetten, Austria. Coach 'Fritzl' Leahy was discovered by police blogging in his basement along with his daughter and several grandchildren. In Austria, blogging below ground in a secured space can carry heavy fines and a maximum seven days in prison.

Fritzl appeared nonchalant about his discovery. "Eh, it was bound to happen sooner or later," he chirped. "Considering all the clues I left in blog postings throughout the years, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner." He added, "Just hope the clever boy who identified me can't also piece together the clues to my buried chest of gold. Hint...reread all the Shatner postings and commentary veeeeery carefully."
# :: posted by Swarthington, 4:25 PM