The Leahy Lounge

Washington, D.C.--It has recently been discovered that global warming, in addition to potentially wreaking havoc on the environment, is assaulting one of America's most precious resources--obese people. Mary Finster of the environmental watchdog group Go Green America described the threat: "Obese people are melting at an alarming rate. This is not theory, this is not hypothesis, this is hard statistical fact and it's happening all around us at a growing rate." To corroborate her claim, Ms. Finster showed our LLWHQ correspondent a recent photograph taken on the streets of Washington, D.C.:

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-3/977547/fatman.jpg

"The threat is growing," Ms. Finster said. "Obese people are the engine that drives our entire health care system. Without the obese, the multi-billion dollar fast-food industry would be reeling--how many tens of thousands of people would lose their jobs?"

Some industries are already feeling the sting. Marty Lipshitz, a comedian that works the local D.C. comedy circuit, stated, "It sucks. Fat jokes are my bread and butter. But you try and make a fat joke these days and all you get are boos."

An insider in the Bush Administration has informed LLWHQ that the administration is already starting to take the threat seriously. According to our source, a plan is in place to begin shipping obese people up and down both coasts in refrigerated train cars.