The Leahy Lounge

I watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Sunday night and I was captivated by the story of a one armed lobsterman and his family. It got me thinking about a tribute to famous one armed folks. I figured, if these people can shake off the debilitating limitations of living with one appendage, then all of us could surely accomplish whatever menial tasks that confront us during the average day. Off the top of my head:


Jim Abbott, MLB pitcher


But then BA pointed out that Jim Abbott wasn't really one-armed. Rather, he had an arm that ended in a nub, so he was more one-handed. Predictably, I flew off into a rage and decided to expand the category. Thus, my tribute to the most famous disabled people in history:

1. Timmy the Midget: This endearing little sot received critical acclaim for his work on the high brow drama series, Passions. Dubbed "little Olivier", Timmy's classical training at the Southern California Academy Theatre (SCAT) prepared him for such demanding roles as a precocious child lawyer on Ally McBeal. Ultimately, he exhibited his true range as an actor, playing a childlike, monotone speaking, "martimmy"-sipping doll on Passions. Sadly, Timmy passed on at the ripe old age of 20, but his contributions to method acting cannot be underestimated.

2. One legged Triathlon Guy: Despite never winning a race, this guy keeps at it, and is truly an inspiration. His Memoir, One Man's Leg, was delayed many years due to contentious litigation with the estate of John Holmes, but it serves as a firm prosthetic kick in the ass to all of us couch potatos and layabouts in the Lounge (that means you and your man cans, Eli).

3. Caspar Weinberger: A little known secret confined to the inner corridors of beltway power, Caspar's manhood was severely damaged in a childhood game of sack-whack gone horribly wrong. Which, curiously, made him the only Secretary of Defense without balls. Caspar was prone to flights of fancy, and once threatened to invade the Exiled States of America. When informed that this target was only a construct of his favorite board game, Risk 2210 AD, Caspar scoffed and declared that he would do it himself. Of course, many other secretaries have suffered from the same malaise that affects the truly gifted, though with far more kinky (and less geopolitically damaging) results.

A cursory google search of "successful cripples" produced no other results. But I'll keep looking and report back with any further developments.