The Leahy Lounge

LLWHQ, Undisclosed Location- A judge ruled that a former LLWHQ security guard who was fired for seeing ghosts cannot be denied unemployment benefits. According to a court ruling released this week, the former guard's allegation of apparitions does not constitute misconduct. The issue started on Oct. 11, when Sergeant Wade Furbie alerted LLWHQ CEO and President Coach Leahy that ghosts were haunting LLWHQ facilities. Leahy arrived at the scene, where Furbie showed him where the ghosts were apparently still standing. Leahy claimed he saw nothing, flew into a rage and fired Furbie on the spot.
A company investigation and strip search performed by Special Investigator Champion Sound found no signs of drug or alcohol use, although a laboratory analysis revealed an unusually high concentration of lemon juice on Sergeant Furbie's person. LLWHQ denied Furbie's application for unemployment benefits, arguing he was guilty of misconduct, was totally incompetent and smelled like pickled herring. "Such beliefs do render the claimant unfit to act as a security guard," Judge Bertrand Snottlebird ruled. "While the employer cannot have security guards who see ghosts and apparitions, seeing ghosts in itself is not the type of misconduct that disqualifies Sergeant Furbie from receiving benefits." LLWHQ spokesperson Professor Eli called the ruling "total bullshit." "The judge is an ass, and better watch his back," Eli added. Sergeant Furbie's claim for unemployment benefits is currently on appeal.