The Leahy Lounge

In a shocking display of honesty, Pat Robertson admitted Thursday that there is no God. In a televised segment on his insanely popular show, the 700 Club, Robinson addressed the citizens of Dover, Pennsylvania, who, on Tuesday, voted out school board members who previously decided to introduce the "intelligent design" theory into the district's science curriculum:

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't count on any help from God. You might think I'm being petty because of Tuesday's vote, but I'm going to come clean on this one. There is no God. Strike that. I mean, there might be a God, but who really knows? Bottom line, we're all alone in this world, maybe. Ahh, fuck it. Send your checks in to the address listed at the bottom of the screen."

With that, Robertson produced a crisply rolled $100 bill from his jacket and sniffed a sizeable line of cocaine off of the dais. "Cause that's where it's going, brothers and sisters".