The Leahy Lounge

I am pleased to announce the newest Lounge character--my (Swarthington's) imaginary retarded girlfriend 'Deb-Deb'. Painstakingly crafted over a period of fourteen months, 'Deb-Deb' is a delightful amalgam of past girlfriends, sights, sounds and smells recollected from a summer spent cleaning cages at the Cincinnati Zoo ape house as well as nuggets unearthed from my reactive mind during bi-weekly scientology auditing sessions with Waldo, my mentor, a Level 5 Operational Thetan with a wicked squash game.

'Deb-Deb' has been tested and retested extensively on focus groups representing diverse market segments. Her bugs have been fixed, her personality and character traits have been tweaked to ensure maximum impact. A polished gem, I now present to the Leahy Lounge audience 'Deb-Deb', my imaginary retarded girlfriend!

Stay tuned....

Fresh off the call-girl scandal that cost him his governorship, Eliot Spitzer was caught last night raping the corpse of Ernest Gary Gygax, co-creator of 'Dungeons & Dragons' and father of the role-playing game. Authorities were tipped off by a bank employee after a mysterious transfer of funds from a Spitzer account for the purchase of "several hundred lemons".

"I went over that sad ass fairy like a f***ing steamroller!" Spitzer chortled. Relatives of Gygax were saddened but not surprised by the news. Spitzer's wife, Silda Wall Spitzer, looked resigned at a late afternoon press conference. If the incident were ever to go to trial, it is anticipated that Spitzer's attorney, Michele Hirshman, would use the 'traditional raping of the corpse' defense.

Ernest Gary Gygax, co-creator of the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game, died Tuesday morning of an abdominal aortic aneurysm at the age of 69. The Lounge's weekly D&D game is hereby suspended for the entire month of March while Board members properly express their grief. Naturally, Coach's 6th level halfling cleric/thief SheBangMe remains entitled to level-up to 7th level when play resumes. Champion's dwarf fighter BuckBalz the Intrepid, Master of the Hill Country, however, will still have to return the Goblet of Glee he stole from Prince GasBottom.